Vestigial Notes

In the hallway outside our room in senior high, we sat for a memory; I must admit, I'd never moved from. The sun, glittering in excitement for its own setting, touches the school grounds and our smooth faces with its orange-colored rays. While the slow moving lines of students in front of us are tiring our pooped eyes,silently, you whisper that you are enjoying the comfort of my shoulders, as you rested your head, after a hard day on the class. I wonder if you noticed my eyes staring, trying to confess their feelings that they will forever remember you. It seems sudden to me that the cold October winds have carried your thoughts to some dream place, I might not have imagined. Whenever you smiles, my heart leaps in ten thousand exaggerated times, making my hands tremble in trepidation. I might ruin the moment any second but you prove me, you are a lady of sweet salvation, as you gently cuddled your hand tightly in my hand.

I close my eyes and in my heart, I secure the sugar-coated seconds. This memory, I will always remember, I swear. But you didn't answer. Instead, before I became aware of it, you slip a letter in my pocket. And just as the sun finally reached the horizon, you let go of your hand and you stand up.

For the last time, you smile at me a smile I cannot understand and you walk away. Like the sun itself, you bid your goodbye slowly as you waved your hands in tenderly crafted motions. I beam a reply and ask you not to let me keep you. And you nod in agreement that I thought is saying, sad.

You vanish in the sea of flowing shadows. But my eyes are still longing for you. They scan the throng of students going home, as my feet readied themselves to run for you. My lips are prepared for a confession, for an offer, but then, when reality sinks, it hurts.

I found you in the arms of your ex-boyfriend, taking security of being loved in his caressing. In your eyes, you are neither sad, nor happy. And so am I, as I turned my back from you and opened the letter you made.

I cried. And I flinch as you watched me lose strength and not fight for you.

In our hearts we might have accepted the bitter memory and longing for a love. And thinking about what we had, when I longed for you, I wonder why it isn't love.

(the kind of love that can build a lifetime relationship).