Vestigial Notes

"for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4

He is happy. That's what he told himself everyday. That he is happy. In the morning, he wakes up and looks at his image in the mirror. He sees there a handsome man, a fine looking man with no fears and no regrets. He chuckles; he knows that it meant his life is doing great. He scans through his pile of freshly perfected reports and achievements while he smokes. He stares at them and feels exalted. Indeed, the long hour of work and studying has paid off. He shall walk sooner in the hallway with envy eyes looking at him. Well, he likes it. He believes that men should raise themselves and do everything he can.

By lunchtime, he will meet his girlfriend and will spend sweet moments with her. He doesn't need her, that's what he thinks, but he loves her. So he stays with her. He wants to explore her beauty, and her soul. In the coming hour that they spent making love, he wants to know their limits. He wonders about the intense feelings he feels whenever they have sex -the orgasm. He thinks he's blessed enough to know such sensation in his early years. Some men died without having sex and he pities them. He wonders if those men died happy, without any regrets. But he guesses he has no time to think about it. He should work on his own life and must excel.

What shall he do in the coming night is the next question. He considers going to a party at the bar. After all, to be alive every day is a reason for celebration. Man must recognize that blessing, that's what he usually says. He exposes himself with so much wine in rejoice. He talks to girls and wanders around for fun. He is exploring life, he says to himself. It is fun to meet new friends and know their stories. If ever some one should attract him, he will never resist. He is a man with pheromones and overflowing hormones. He can never be wrong to exercise such gifts. As dawn nears, he has enough of the joy he wants. He shall now go back to his apartment and looks at the image of the happy man in the mirror. He will remember this night just like any other night, because he is happy.

Later that moment, when he's sleeping soundly, his cellphone beeps and he receives messages of love from his girlfriend. The pile of dusty letters from his parents back home are lying somewhere in his apartment, wishing they're being remembered. The newspaper comes early in the morning but he is still asleep to grab one for breakfast. The world is turning differently and he knows it. But he has no time for that. He has no time to hear the rumbling cries of his mother back home because of the never ending problems, or of the demands of his girlfriend for him. There is no time to think about the suffering children or of the hunger and drought in other parts of the world because they have their government to take care of that. He believes that one needs to find happiness everyday because that is the reason why man lives.

If he has his principles, his certain group of friends, and his family that would never leave him no matter what happened, why bother ask for more? That would only mean discontentment. And that would only mean misery for him. What is important is that he is happy. And he is certain of that.
Is he really happy?

in every mask of illusory confidence is a man who hides in despair.