Vestigial Notes

I didn't know why I've written this but…

I am an angel…

I know that everyone can imagine his own painted sky,

his own color blue,

or even his very own puffs of clouds

with the sun rays passing within them . . . the silver wings of a fine hot summer glimmering on our eyes,

and the promise of the dusty roads and wind echoing on our ears.

I know this is a gift, and I know how God painted this miracle for us . . .

How He'd worked wonders, and how he can tell us a very lovely story.

This kind of story often happens in the heaven,

but I think it can also happen everywhere,

to any part of the universe

or anywhere in the world as well.

And It can be heard by everyone, as long as they listen to His voice. . .

Before the start of my story,

I wish to smile happily.

After all, God smiles before and after he told us something,

whether his lessons, his stories,

or even his own prayers for us.

It was like his love and hope for us are ever and overflowing, and that because of this he knows that sooner we will realize that.

………………………

That realization I was talking about came hard on me, not so very long ago, while I was staring blankly on the dark stratified sky that I've colored myself through my imagination. That sky was not moving, very heavy, and weary at the same time. And I knew that in my heart, it was also miserable. I was like asking God back then, telling Him that He should have painted it for those who have hoped that it would be a fine blue sky. That the sky should have depicted what most of his creations feel. I asked Him for His reasons, and how I felt disgusted and insulted. I told him that I felt sad, and sadder because I could see a bigger picture of the sadness I feel. And that was just unfair not only for me.

…And then, what He could do to save me.

Yes, it was a sudden mistake I know, but I still asked it, revealing a slight line of emptiness on my head. So maybe, when God saw it, He answered.

My brother Gabriel suddenly came into the picture and joined me to lay his back on the grass, while smiling a smile I cannot truly understand. He was so mysterious for me, that sometimes, I feel taken aback whenever talking to him. And so he's the one who first spoke up.

"You look terrible, brother." he began. "Is that because of the weather?" asking like he knows exactly what's on my mind. I didn't answer, nor looked at him. I did not want to squander my sentiments so easily, not mentioning the fact that I feel like that if I told him, I might weep my heart.

And so after quite a very long moment of waiting he laughed at me, telling me that it's ok, and that "Raf, he still made it for you."

I felt suddenly revolted and cornered.

"I am indeed sad, brother." I said without looking at him. "And now I wonder why He've drawn the sky for me today. It's unfair for the others."

By the thought of it, Gabriel fell silent. I realized my eyes began trailing the smooth path of the flight of birds in the sky, and then suddenly I spoke, "Somehow, all our moods are driven by the sky. It can make us weep when it's dark, and happy when it is blue. I'm just concerned for the others."

Hmmm. . .Gabriel tilted his head back and front as if caught between a second thought. And then told me that I was looking at it exaggeratedly, though sooner it's really going to rain.

His prayed then as if whispering for a moment, until it felt like he was reciting a poem from the book. After that he spoke again.

…Listen to me, brother:

'Every day, God paints the sky with his own hands. It is His own personal diary. His memories are kept on it, that's why it has no end. It extends from the horizon to the never-ending horizon, telling every heart that His love would never fade. It is, basically, the mirror of His feelings for us.

The dark clouds in the sky perhaps tells us a part of the sadness He has, and the fine blue sky shows us that He was happy in a sense. If you are sad right now, and God made the sky for you, it means that He was sad as well. And that was his choice. That is how His love works for us angels. And that is the way He destined himself of. Now, as His servant, let us just help him save others and be happy for Him.'

--------------------–

I might have no other point to elaborate every thing that soon happens, but it is important that I felt saved and relieved at the same. I smiled a little, hugged my brother, and knew that it would take a long time before the clouds disappear in all of our skies.

I just sighed then, "there is so much into heaven."