Vestigial Notes

Last night in my dreaming, I visited the former crab nebulae in the far side of the universe, because I can see its dust still flowing and filling the sky with inumerable fireflies. In the past, I wanted to belong to that family of stars. I remember how those orange colored worlds revolve on a giant blue star. And I remember the faces of the angels who used to live there, and their voices that still travel the cosmos.

When the blue star exploded into a giant supernova revealing thousand specs of light a long time ago, and when they all turned to dust, I wonder what happened to my friends. I wonder what happened to their echo, and to their life. That is why inspite of the uncertainty and the long hour of journeying, I let my soul fly and answer its questions.

When I arrived, as I expected, there was no one to greet me but darkness. There is no sign that a beautifully crafted crab made out of golden blue lights had once lived there. Nothing, but a single patch of dim light in the corner of its previous eye. I swiftly swish a song, and as it glowed brighter and responded to the sound, I embraced the light in the heart of my spirit.

“What are you still doing here, my friend?” I asked softly.

As I comfort it in my arms, the light exploded and blinded my sight for a moment. It was transforming into its spirited form as well. It was tinier than what I thought it would be as a little crab in my hand began to materialize.

“This is Kahliel, brother.” It spoked.

As I heard his word a certain emotion bursted out of me and I got excited and cried.

“What lovely chances do I have, to see you again?” What divine love can set me traveling again towards this side of the universe!?” I exclaimed in overwhelming emotions.

“We can never understand such thing, but we can always hope that the Heart of it all has His reasons.” Kahliel answered.

I smile at the thought.

“You never changed.” I assured him.

But he argued, “Brother, I have changed.”

I might not understand fully the reason why he’s said that so I didn’t ask why. I wished that he told me his own story.

He said, “I should have travel with our breathren’s dust and flow back to the Father.” I can a spot a tear forming in his minuscule eyes. “But I didn’t. I should have moved on, and let go of the broken nebulae and start again. I should have, but all I have now are regrets because I cannot accept the truth. I have lurked away that I let my self be consumed by the darkness, because I can never give up on a love for something that was gone a very long time ago. Fallen, if I truly deserved the word.”

In the coming moments, I accepted his notions as if I can do nothing about him. I let go of my hand from his hands and I let him transformed into the once dim light that is nearly failing. I hug him and said goodbye.

My words of goodbye are series of lament. “In this universe we are very different because we know that all are interconnected. And because we can clearly see and understand the dust that flows. When the galaxy of Milky Way was formed in the early years of creation, I asked the Heart of it all why there is a room for another entity. I asked, despite the fact that I shouldn’t, if angels are not enough.” I cried back then. “But the Heart of it all didn’t answer. He just told me that the answer is hidden somewhere in my heart and I just have to dig deeper until I find what I’ve been looking for, because every creation is perfect and had all answers hidden in its heart. For a moment I became like you and darkness suggested that maybe, the Heart of it all created the Earth because He’s also crying for someone that was gone a very long time ago. So I decided to live on Earth. And I proved myself that I was wrong. It is not the regrets and the failure that stops one from letting go. You stay because you have hopes. You still believe because you still have faith. Because you still love.”

“…And because of that you haven’t really fallen.”

When dawn breaks, I wake up with tears in my eyes. Thinking about it, I wish that the dim patch of light has seen things differently, because on that way, I believe that God would let the crab nebulae live again, by the power of such unconditional love.